: Sure. The only problem with coaching yourself, right? You have to be mindful of how you coach yourself. I actually see it as a very expansive process, right? It opens your mind, doesn't it? In order to achieve that, you need to step outside of yourself and engage in what some call a radical self-inquiry. The thing is, as humans, we often struggle with conducting a radical self-inquiry without it turning into a self-deprecating exercise. What I mean is that the goal here is not to be self-critical in a way that fuels self-doubt. Rather, you need to open your mind and critically examine yourself.

What I mean is that approaching self-coaching should be done with interest, curiosity, and an intention to explore and expand, rather than critically judging and putting yourself down. Critical thinking doesn't imply trying to guilt trip yourself, right? This is a point where you're looking at it from a strategic standpoint, examining yourself as an opportunity for growth. It's challenging for us to do this because we often get caught in existing loops. It's difficult to break free and think outside the box. It almost requires an external inquiry. This is where coaching comes in handy. Right. I believe coaching will continue to be an important capability and profession as our community grows.

As we continue to grow as individuals, this external inquiry allows for internal growth and self-sufficiency. "Self-centered" is not the appropriate term here since it carries a negative connotation. Instead, "self-centered" in this context refers to being centered in oneself, where you have a deep understanding of your core self. It means that your self-awareness revolves around you, understanding who you are, what is important to you, and your values. It's about relying on your true self rather than your ego. This self is open to new growth and opportunities, constantly developing and evolving. However, it is important to note that this self is non-judgmental. Judgment can actually hinder our growth.

I mean, because judgment puts limitations on us and confines us to a box. It tells us, "Nope, you're bad. You failed. You're not good enough." In contrast, when you embrace your true self, you say, "Okay, this didn't work out as planned, but what can I learn from this? How can I grow?" It expands our boundaries and pushes us to learn and grow internally. That's what I mean by being self-centered, not in an egotistical way. Even labeling someone as a jerk is a judgment in itself, right? So what defines a jerk? It's a perception, and sometimes our actions stem from our own beliefs and our individual perception.

Like, I mean, the way one person perceives a situation may not align with how another person sees it. However, each person's reaction is based on their own feelings and thoughts. There are numerous ways to perceive and understand things, right? You have to be open to possibilities and embrace acceptance. That's the only way to achieve self-sufficiency, right? When you can accept diverse opinions without letting them negatively impact you. It's about being able to learn from negative experiences, move on, and not let them trigger emotional responses or adverse actions. This is when you become whole, right?

Yes, in my understanding, being self-centered is like being pulled. When you are aligned with your core, that's where you truly exist as your authentic self. It's when you are able to manifest anything in your life because you are open to opportunities and you perceive life itself as an opportunity.

That kind of self-reliance is essential, right? It involves setting your own goals based on your inner drive, without seeking external validation and approval. For me, tracking my progress against the goals I set for myself, I don't want to imply that I am impervious to feedback from external sources. I mean, I haven't fully achieved that complete alignment, so to speak. It's still a definite work in progress, and I believe that's normal for any human being, right? I'm not sure if we will ever reach that state of absolute alignment. I mean, it's like aiming to be an internal Buddha in a way, which is quite challenging in reality. But striving towards it and making it a part of my life is what I work on every day. This is where EQM, mindfulness, and self-awareness really play a crucial role.

For example, someone said something to me the other day, and I interpreted it as a comment that belittled me. However, it's possible that this person said it without any negative intent, and they may not have given it much thought at all, right? The way I interpreted it was influenced by my own mindset, limitations, and past experiences. Instead of taking offense and falling into a victim mentality, it's more productive to ask myself what triggered me. If I were fully aware, what could this situation actually teach me? What insights can I gain about myself that I can utilize for personal growth?

What can I observe that just triggered me, and how can I work on eliminating it as a trigger? What specifically caused it? It's important to recognize that our triggers often stem from our childhoods and past traumas, which delves into the realm of psychology. This is completely normal. However, understanding your triggers and acknowledging the limitations they impose is crucial. Let's say I took that comment personally. If I immediately slipped into victim mode, I wouldn't have taken the necessary actions to keep moving forward. Suddenly, I would become stagnant, and my progress would slide backwards because I'm not taking proactive steps.

To move away from that downward trajectory, it's important to analyze the exact cause and why it occurred. Then, you can determine what steps you can take to get back on track. Sometimes, simply acknowledging what happened can provide a sense of release. Acknowledging your emotions and how you felt is crucial. Firstly, it requires being aware of your own emotions, feelings, and thoughts. By saying, "Okay, this is what happened," and acknowledging it, you already free yourself in a way, allowing you to take the next step forward. Does that make sense? It's like psychology in action.

When you find yourself triggered, it's important to pay attention to your own reaction and not just react impulsively. Take a moment to reflect on why you're feeling that way and where it's stemming from. Consider what you can learn from the experience. By doing so, you can better prepare yourself for future instances when similar triggers arise. It's about not only addressing that specific instance but also equipping yourself to handle potential setbacks that may come your way in the future. Yeah, I love that.

I just want to emphasize the importance of a reality check. Regardless of what you do, it's inevitable that you will experience triggers, and that's perfectly okay, right? Getting triggered is a natural response, and our habits and ego have been formed over time. It's not something that can be immediately eliminated. However, the first step is recognizing that you are being triggered and understanding why it's happening. From my experience, I've observed this pattern quite frequently. People get triggered, but they are so caught up in the moment that they fail to notice it and continue with their behavior. As a result, their progress becomes hindered, and they find themselves either in the same place or even worse off. It becomes a never-ending cycle. Therefore, it's essential to develop an understanding of your emotions.

This is where mindfulness exercises come in. They allow you to take a minute and slow down. For instance, in my case, I wear a bracelet that serves as my anchor. As soon as I see it, it prompts me to ask myself, "Where am I in this moment?" Am I rushing through life at a hundred miles an hour? Do I find myself reacting impulsively? It acts as a trigger to bring my attention back to the present. It's a reminder to check in with myself and become aware of my current state. How am I feeling? Where is there tension in my body? For example, I might realize I have a headache or that my shoulders are tense.

What I mean is, have you ever taken a moment to notice the smell of something? Sometimes, simply taking a few breaths and acknowledging your surroundings can work wonders for your mind. It allows your mind to take a brief break and recenter itself. You see, clarity of mind doesn't arise from chaos; it emerges from mindfulness. When you pause for a moment and allow your brain to process everything around you, you can come up with the best solution for yourself. So, while it's true that you won't stop experiencing triggers and things will happen regardless, you can reduce the impact of those triggers by acknowledging them and responding to them more effectively. It's not just an afterthought; it's about accelerating your response to the trigger.

I mean, most of the time, it's like, "Oh my goodness, what have I done? I should have thought about this, instead of reacting impulsively.” Initially, it may take some time between being triggered and catching the trigger, allowing yourself to make conscious decisions and choose your response rather than reacting automatically. However, as you practice mindfulness, that time will gradually shrink. Eventually, you'll experience a trigger, recognize it, and respond based on your conscious choices rather than on autopilot. That's what I'm striving for—to understand my triggers and learn how to cope with them effectively.

At some point, we need to recognize that our bodies are essential tools for sensing the world around us. We have various senses through which we can perceive our surroundings, but often we fail to pay attention to the messages our bodies are sending us. It's crucial to understand how our bodies communicate with us and where our attention is directed. For instance, if my body starts feeling stiff and my neck becomes tense during a conversation, I can take notice and adjust my response accordingly. Similarly, if I find myself in a meeting and my leg begins to shake uncontrollably, causing the whole table to vibrate, it's important to acknowledge this bodily reaction. These observations allow us to become more aware of our actions and their impact.

Take note of the signals your body is sending you. When you notice these bodily reactions, it may indicate a need to change the subject or address a dissonance between your reactions and the environment you're in. Your body is responding to the attention, allowing you to consciously decide how to respond to your surroundings. Instead of being caught in an endless cycle, you have the ability to pause, evaluate, and choose a different course of action. This power of choice is truly remarkable.

I think that's actually a crucial aspect of building self-awareness, as you mentioned. It ties into emotional intelligence and the ability to cultivate strong relationships and achieve alignment. It requires consistent practice to become attuned to how your body reacts and understanding the emotions and triggers associated with it. Once you reach that level of awareness, you can focus on taking actions to regulate those reactions and consider how they may shape your responses and interactions with both your environment and the people around you.

Exactly. When you're in alignment, you're not in conflict with yourself. You're aligned with your thoughts, actions, and perspectives. It's empowering to have the ability to choose. Choice is a remarkable gift that grants you power and control over yourself. You become the creator of your own path. When you exercise your ability to choose, you tap into your creative energy and begin manifesting your dreams into reality.

: Certainly. When it comes to achieving alignment within a team, it's crucial to start by ensuring that everyone is aligned on their values. When individuals share common values, they can work together more effectively towards a common goal. Values serve as the foundation for priorities and decision-making. It's essential to identify and articulate the values that are important to the team and align them with the organization's values. This shared understanding of values will guide the team's actions and enable them to work cohesively towards a common purpose.

I want to emphasize that this may not sound very profound, but it is the very core of it, and it's easy to overlook. Many people may think that going through a values exercise is not important, but when it comes to making decisions, it's crucial to know what's important to you and why you're making a particular decision. This realization may stop people in their tracks and force them to reflect on their choices. If you want to get aligned with another person, it's essential to ensure that your values are in alignment, or at least in the same category. For example, values such as fulfillment and enjoyment.

Let's delve deeper into the meaning behind these values. It's important to understand what fulfillment and enjoyment actually entail. While they may seem similar, they have distinct nuances. For instance, enjoyment can involve someone working tirelessly on a project they are deeply passionate about. On the other hand, fulfillment might encompass having a broader perspective and finding fulfillment in various aspects of life. It could be as simple as taking a leisurely stroll and appreciating the diverse sights and experiences that the world has to offer. So, while enjoyment can be more specific, fulfillment can encompass a wider range of experiences and perspectives.

Fulfillment can manifest in someone who passionately dedicates themselves to a pursuit without realizing how much time it consumes because they genuinely love what they do. On the other hand, enjoyment may be associated with activities like a relaxing day at the beach, emphasizing the importance of work-life balance. It's crucial to recognize that different things bring joy to different individuals. Understanding the underlying driving forces behind each value is essential. Don't settle for a superficial understanding of the value itself. Dive deeper to comprehend its core essence and origins. Additionally, ensuring alignment with the mission and vision is also important in establishing harmony within a team or organization.

What is the mission you are striving to accomplish? What is your grand vision and the desired outcomes? Clarifying and aligning expectations is crucial because when expectations differ, it can create disharmony. If two individuals have conflicting expectations, it is unlikely that they will work well together. This applies to team members as well. Ensure that everyone understands and agrees upon shared expectations. In the event of a disagreement, it is important to distinguish between a disagreement and a misalignment. Misalignment is a broader perspective that allows for an opportunity to realign and collectively rethink the approach. Disagreements, on the other hand, tend to be more personal, driven by individual viewpoints and the desire to prove oneself.

It can be beneficial to experience misalignment at times because it provides an opportunity to address and resolve the disconnect. Misalignments are workable and can be resolved through communication and understanding. On the other hand, disagreements rooted in ego can be more challenging to navigate. When ego is involved, it is crucial to set it aside and recognize that there is a misalignment. It is important to separate the ego-driven need to prove oneself from the conversation. Conversations should not be driven by the desire to prove one's rightness. While not all misalignments can be resolved, it is essential to approach them with an open mind and seek mutual understanding.

It is important to recognize that your point of view inherently matters, and it should not be driven by the need to prove your worth or the importance of your perspective. This understanding comes from a place of alignment with oneself and a strong sense of self. However, when it comes to disagreements, it is crucial to prioritize trust. Building trust requires consistent actions over time, and it is not something that can be achieved overnight. Trust evolves through ongoing interactions and understanding the boundaries of others. Respecting those boundaries is essential in fostering a healthy and productive environment. It is important to understand where it is acceptable and appropriate to engage in discussions and disagreements.

It is crucial for individuals to first understand and establish their own boundaries, and then demonstrate an understanding and respect for the boundaries of others. This mutual respect is a key factor in fostering healthy relationships and alignment. Effective communication also plays a significant role, including recognizing and respecting different communication styles and cadences. Open communication is important, but it should also be conducted in a respectful manner. Simply having open communication does not give one the license to insult or disregard others. It is essential to convey one's viewpoint constructively, while also respecting the perspectives of others and creating an environment conducive to discussion and collaboration. Effective communication is a two-way process that encourages buy-in from all parties involved.

: When discussing values, it's important to explore if there are any commonalities even among differing perspectives. By examining disagreements, we can determine if they stem from personal ego or more fundamental value conflicts. Additionally, discussing the mission and vision can uncover varying viewpoints. Through open communication and collaborative discussions, it's possible to synthesize ideas and create a solution that accommodates everyone's input. Building trust is a gradual process that requires time and multiple iterations. With consistent efforts, trust can be established over time.

Consistent actions are crucial for building alignment. It involves fulfilling the promises made and demonstrating reliability. Trust is also fostered through clear communication that respects the other person's boundaries and personal needs. Often, the lack of trust stems from individuals not knowing or effectively communicating their boundaries, while the other party fails to understand them. Therefore, open and respectful communication is key. Engaging in conversations where both parties can express their perspectives with respect for one another's being fosters trust. Respect should be extended to anyone and their opinions, even when disagreement arises. Respecting others involves setting aside ego-driven behaviors.

: Yeah, absolutely. I'm glad you enjoyed the conversation and I was happy to participate in it. I fully agree that these discussions are incredibly valuable and essential. They have the power to open our minds and encourage us to think in new and different ways. They bring awareness to our current approaches and shed light on how we can improve moving forward. Ultimately, it's up to each individual to make their own decisions and choices regarding their path. However, I hope that the audience will consider these points as opportunities for personal growth and development, as well as for gaining a deeper understanding of what truly matters to them.

: Yeah, before I go, I have a quick question. Were there any nuggets you found particularly helpful or valuable?

: That’s great! I’m glad you found the talk helpful!

: You’re welcome. I look forward to speaking with you again!